The state of being fine, fine, fine, is something I learned about in "How to be a psychotherapist school." It means your the body is outwardly saying that all is fine, fine, fine, but it's really being a lying bahstahd. Eventually the inside of your body, as well as emotions, start pointing out the lie and the longer the lie is denied, the more insistent and creative the expression becomes.
Just off the top of my head I can think of a man who was so fine, fine, fine, when he went back to his less than happy marriage that he got extreme sciatica - literally a pain in the ass. I've worked with a family in which the father couldn't even move without the help of his children. Strangely, it was his admission of sexual abuse to those very children that resolved his mysterious paralysis. Even in my own past, I have broken out into a rash a couple of times, one on my ass, one over my heart. You know, the body has a mind of its own and often quite a sick sense of humor.
The past couple of days, my neck is crook. It's amazing how painful it is. I try to massage it, stretch it, put ice and/or heat on it and the pain just moves about getting more "expressive." It's impossible for me to look around. About the only thing I can do is type at my computer looking straight ahead, ignoring everything else. I know there is a lot of stuff stuffed in me regarding the death of my mother. A lot of it is icky stuff - guilt, anger, frustration, anger, guilt, guilt, surprise, relief, and sadness. There's probably more in there than I even know right now. My tummy is really sort of bloated, my head is fixin' to explode, and my ankles are swollen so I must be stuffed with it. Now, being fine, fine, fine, isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's often just a necessary thing because sometimes you just have to get some things done. You have to find clothes to wear to the funeral, plan the funeral, blah, blah, blah. You have to talk to people you're supposed to know but don't. You have to be civil and appropriate - neither of which I'm very good at.I'll get through it.
Comparatively speaking, we'll have an easy time of it. I'll be with my sister and we'll get 'er done. Maybe we'll take turns having melt downs. It seems like an efficient way to handle this. I have family who are willing to listen to me be a bit nuts and I am willing to listen to them be nuts. It's just a matter of timing and if there's one thing my sister is great at, it's scheduling.
So right now I'm fine, fine, fine, and over all, I'm grateful.
Just off the top of my head I can think of a man who was so fine, fine, fine, when he went back to his less than happy marriage that he got extreme sciatica - literally a pain in the ass. I've worked with a family in which the father couldn't even move without the help of his children. Strangely, it was his admission of sexual abuse to those very children that resolved his mysterious paralysis. Even in my own past, I have broken out into a rash a couple of times, one on my ass, one over my heart. You know, the body has a mind of its own and often quite a sick sense of humor.
The past couple of days, my neck is crook. It's amazing how painful it is. I try to massage it, stretch it, put ice and/or heat on it and the pain just moves about getting more "expressive." It's impossible for me to look around. About the only thing I can do is type at my computer looking straight ahead, ignoring everything else. I know there is a lot of stuff stuffed in me regarding the death of my mother. A lot of it is icky stuff - guilt, anger, frustration, anger, guilt, guilt, surprise, relief, and sadness. There's probably more in there than I even know right now. My tummy is really sort of bloated, my head is fixin' to explode, and my ankles are swollen so I must be stuffed with it. Now, being fine, fine, fine, isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's often just a necessary thing because sometimes you just have to get some things done. You have to find clothes to wear to the funeral, plan the funeral, blah, blah, blah. You have to talk to people you're supposed to know but don't. You have to be civil and appropriate - neither of which I'm very good at.I'll get through it.
Comparatively speaking, we'll have an easy time of it. I'll be with my sister and we'll get 'er done. Maybe we'll take turns having melt downs. It seems like an efficient way to handle this. I have family who are willing to listen to me be a bit nuts and I am willing to listen to them be nuts. It's just a matter of timing and if there's one thing my sister is great at, it's scheduling.
So right now I'm fine, fine, fine, and over all, I'm grateful.
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