Scarier Than Rats in the Attic

We had a laid back Christmas, which is the way I prefer it, if I'm not allowed to skip it completely.  A friend came over for Christmas Eve dinner and we began working on a jigsaw puzzle.  She came over for Christmas afternoon and dinner and brought more desserts.  We are a bit over run with desserts. An embarrassment of riches.

On Christmas I presented her with a joke gift that she reminded me I'd presented her with the night before.  I realized I didn't remember the night before.  It was just gone.

It's so easy, when I'm doing well, to believe this is all a mistake, that there's really nothing bad going on in my brain except a little forgetfulness now and then.  And then something like forgetting a whole festive evening happens and I'm reminded.  I don't like being reminded.

I took pictures with my phone of a table I want to sell this afternoon.  I spent an hour trying to remember how to get it from my phone to the computer.  Okay, so I've never been an electronics genius, but I used to know how to do stuff like that.

I admit that these things bring me to tears.  My husband held me and I blubbered, "What are we going to do?"  He said  that we'll come up with something.

We're going to have to come up with something sooner rather than later.  He's 75 and currently has a broken ankle and a history of heart attack.  We aren't looking into expensive retirement communities.  That's not possible for us. I focus on being positive and using positive words and forgiving and cleaning up lose ends with people and getting rid of stuff, but honestly. . . . . what happens if the time comes when I dunno what's going on more often than I do?  What then?

I'm not so much worrying as I am thinking about these things and it's a bit . . . oh, what's that word. . .
oh, yeah terrifying.

Still, right now, I am breathing, I am writing, maybe my writing even makes a bit of sense.  So I reckon I have way more than I need.  As Papa used to say, sure it will kill me, unless I get hit by a truck first.  There's always that glimmer of positivity.

I'm grateful. T